A Dummies Guide to Social Conventions

Everyone needs a guide. Everyone needs help to deal with life. Everyone faces some sick sorry social situation sometime or the other. One of my friends asked me to list down some social norms long time ago, but lethargic me is doing it now. Better late than never ;)

Dedication: To those who always screw up and end up thinking, "I'm such a bitch!"

Song: Help Is Just Around The Corner by Coldplay.


1. Most of us ask for advice from people we know, some of us just use the Internet. When asking for advice, quietly listen to the speaker. It's never nice to ask for advice and then start arguing with adviser that they are wrong. एक तोह वो तुम परएहसान कर रहा हैं, ऊपर से तुम उसे लड़ने लगजाओ| वाह बही वाह !

2. Never ever waste your energies on someone who you know is not ready to listen. You can shout, you can yell but some people think they are king of the world and will NOT listen, not now, not ever. I know it pisses you off especially when they're wrong, but I guess people are people.

3. Some people talk a LOT especially when you have called. They will talk, talk and keep on talking come what may, sometimes even when they have called. Since you can't tape / zip their mouth, the best way is, you start speaking about stuff that you know. For Example: When Ahana starts talking about science stuff I don't understand or when I start sermon-ing her, I'm sure both of us feel like slamming the phone, though she can't-She has a cordless. Not that we talk a lot, just that why watch a foreign film with no subtitles.

4. If some one does something for you, Thank them a million times. Even if they haven't crossed a river or jumped from the Empire State Building, have a heart and give them a chocolate. It's always feels good to make someone smile and have your way too.

5. People are weird. A bunch of 'em can piss you off just like that. I mean for no immediate fault of theirs, you just hate them from the corner of your heart and a slightest mistake of theirs would make your mouth utter beautiful words like slut, son of bitch, the F*** word. etc etc. It's best that you STAY AWAY from them. STAY AWAY.

6. Continuing Point 5, Sometimes we like people. We think that no matter what the odds are, they might have some brain and they would be not as the world pictures them to be. Truth is--OUR hopes are wrong. Men are jerks and women are slow. So if you are hurt, then the best way is to STAY AWAY from these people too.

7. How to STAY AWAY:

* De-friend them on facebook, orkut and other places where you waste time. Nothing more pleasing. TRUST ME.
* Delete them from your phone book.
* Inspired from Jab We Met--Call them, Abuse Them.
* Tell your friends about your friend and insist that they should always insult / make fun of your special someone always when you are around.
* Listen to Hope it gives you hell by The All American Rejects.
* A little filmy, but if you can punch them in the face.


8. There are moments when you can't say anything or your brain is too slow to process an answer. In such cases just Nod. At least the other person gets some assurance. Like some one said, better keep quiet and be a fool, than open your mouth and confirm the doubt.

9. Sometimes there is a stalemate like situation in our lives. Neither of the two people would accept their mistake. In that case, Just say sorry and finish the crappy bottleneck in your life. Saying it won't kill you. It might hurt your ego, but trust me neither is anyone measuring your ego on a daily basis nor is there a record of the number of times you have said Sorry. So just say it and end It.

10. Everyone has problems. Everyone has miseries. Don't talk about them and make the world an even more remorse place. Just laugh and if you can't, buy a joke book. And yeah, if you have issues with this blogger / blog, that we are too casual about life, then--I don't care.

11. MOST IMPORTANT: Always listen to the Blogger who has poor decision making powers, who is too scared to start his magnum opus, who has awesome music taste, who won't ever read Twilight and yes, of course, who satisfies ALL of those conditions. If there exists more than one such person.....then choose the one who you know. ( DUH---ME)

Like it or not, This is True. All true.