Cheer up

Feeling low, felling like crap,

Wondering what was your paap 1;

Thinking of all the things you did wrong,

Fuck it and listen to a cool song.

Dreaming of the guy who doesn't love you,

Cursing yourself for being the fuddu 2;

Really hoping he would come back,

Take control and buy yourself a Jack.

Planning to jump from the roof,

Claiming the world to be bevakoof 3;

Questioning life's purpose and meaning,

Take a step back and do some deep cleaning.

Had a terrible fight with Papa and Mummy,

Threatening to run away on your Bajaj Sunny 4;

They don't like your clothes, hair or tattoo plans,

Relax - these are all just adult pangs.

Failed a year or just an exam,

Denying yourself any and all araam 5;

Hoping you would have studied more,

Live a little and don't be a complete bore.

Found sleeping in your own puke on the sadak 6,
Designated driver gives you one slap - kadak 7;
Regretting all the alcohol and drugs,
Trust me you won't remember the next time you go glug-glug.

Annoyed with your boss's inability to use a computer,
Silently murmuring khote da putar 8;
Determined to quit and follow your dream,
Check the loan statement and carpe diem.

Life is hard and has sorrow,
But don't pity yourself and badte chalo 9;
In life there is more promise and happiness,
Lets cheer up and not depress.

Dedicated to our sad and lonely days.

Song : Lazy Lad - Ghanchakar 

Footnotes :
1 : Paap means sin in Hindi
2 : Fuddu is a slang word for dumb and foolish
3 : Bevakoof means stupid in Hindi
4 : Bajaj Sunny is a type of scooter that was manufactured by Bajaj Auto.
5 : Araam means to relax in Hindi
6: Sadak means road in Hindi
7 : Kadak means tight/strong in Hindi
8 : Khote da putar means son of stupid in Punjabi
9 : Badte Chalo means to continue moving forward in Hindi 


Don't stress, you don't want to look like this :

A Dummies Guide to An Optimistic World

“I feel the glow of your unspoken love. I am aware of the treasure that I hold…And I say to myself, It’s wonderful, wonderful – Oh So Wonderful, My Love!”

Who said Life is Shit? It’s wonderful and beautiful! You just have to look in the right place and you’ll find it. But as always, sermons are much easier to deliver than to implement in our boring lives. So what to do? Here are a few tips :

1. All’s Well That Ends Well : If at the end of the day, you are tired and lying on your bed and listening to a sad and slow song and you think to yourself, theek hai yaar zindagi (Life is okay), then that’s all you need. Getting anything on Planet Earth is not easy, except of course the scorn of other people; so if you’ve gone through lots of troubles and bad times, consider yourself natural. But if those turbulent times are over, then enjoy the sunshine and don’t fret about the ghost of troubles past. The good thing is that they are gone and done – and you are free and should be happy, until of course they come again. If in the end, you’ve nearly got what you wanted, breathe a sigh of relief. Aaram Karom, Relax Karom. Chill. 

2. Misery is Another Constant in Life : Furthering Point # 1, misery is the other constant in life. Bad times will come. We all keep wondering why isn’t our life like a fairytale, but we forget that the happily ever after ending comes, well, in the end! Before that there is a huge black spot of misery. Alice fell into a rabbit hole, changed forms and beat the Jabberwocky; Snow White battled an ugly step mother (not the fairest of ‘em all, eh?) and slept for a long time, before a necrophilist Prince Charming came along. Pinocchio was hung upside down on the branch of a tree! So don’t worry about misery – it’s going to come anyway.  Best you can do, is pull up your socks and beat the God the damn thing! Man Up (Woman up too)! Life isn’t sugar, spice and all that’s nice – there is always a Chemical X! (PPG :P)

3. The Lynchpin Theory : Oooo. This is my favourite. Sometimes what happens, happens for the best. Take for example, if I had been rewarded with one more mark in my board exams, I wouldn’t have been doing B.Com Hons, nor would’ve been in the same college, might not have even learnt debating, and finally might not be writing this post. How small things work their way up, it’s incredible. Small, insignificant things go a long way in shaping our lives and it is only in the retrospective that we realize that. If you regret doing or not doing something, then measure the full value of that regret. If you would’ve done things differently, things would also be different today. And since we don’t know if they’d be much better or much worse, spare yourself the headache. Look into the mirror and smile. It might be the silliest thing you’ll ever do, but it will go a long way in making you happy. Small Things. Big Outcomes.

4. Make it the Worst : If the above rational argumentation does not make sense to you, start imagining the worst. Don’t think that good and bad outcomes are equally likely; instead think that bad outcomes are more likely. So if you are upset that you don’t have X+5,  imagine if you ever on X-5. The level of happiness would fall tremendously na? So don’t be greedy and be a little grateful.  I mean, where else would you receive such clear and FREE analysis on how to live life. Not everyone is able to read this Blog, but you can. So be grateful about that. Now, be a dear and send in the fan mail, flowers, chocolates and cheques! Plenty is what you have!

5. SWOT Analysis : Every business from time to time does a SWOT Analysis i.e. : Strength, Weakness, Opportunities and Threats. I don’t care about the rest, but Opportunities is important. I am not of the belief that when one door closes, another one opens; in fact I think a million doors are always open. Life is full of opportunities.  There are so many things in this world.  You could be an actress and yet have half a dozen children, you could be a painter and an inventor at the same time, you could be deaf and still make Music, you can be so many things – all to your hearts’ content. So if something doesn’t work out, think about what went wrong, work on your flaws and then move on! Time is better spent on doing new and better things, than on lamenting! Look at me - from IAS to MBA to M.Com to LLB to MA Eco -only to realise in the end that I don't want to study more. Story for another day. 

6. Realistic Targets : There is a difference between Optimism and Stupidity. Optimism does not mean that you think all is well and all will be well. It's rational enough to account for deviations and abnormal events. Optimists don't feel bad about things that they don't control. It is okay to feel bad about something you could've controlled, but feeling bad about something that you couldn't have controlled is a little pushing it. Some bad things in life, no matter what you do, you cannot control (death, disease, natural calamity). If you're upset, it's okay. But don't let it become you. No matter what happens, you've got to move on and eliminate the cause of the misery. So if a natural calamity happens and you are sad, do something about it! Sometimes when I lose a debate, when I think I should've won, I just let it pass. I can't reverse the judges' decision, why make myself miserable about it. Of course, I give the judge a low score, that's my way of doing something about it :P

And that's about it. I hope these help you. They've helped me. Always remember, nothing in this world has the ability to hurt you or should have the right to make you feel miserable.Tum Bindaas raho. Broken heart, Bad marks, Bastard Boss or Bekaar Phone - nothing is more important than you. So value yourself.

To Jaya Row Ji. For being a Wonderful Guide in my life.

Song : Wonderful! Wonderful! -- Johnny Mathis

I highly recommend listening to the song. Also that's a Mentos with Chill Pill written on it. I highly recommend that too :)

P.S. : The Blog's new look has inspired me to add pictures to all new posts (as of now!). Don't worry I am not buying a DSLR/SLR for the same :P

Also, adding tags/labels to posts, so they can be categorized well. Yay!

Fit Hai Boss

In the great scheme of things called life, there are things that you wished didn't exist, didn't breathe and didn't move around like blobs of flesh. But unfortunately they do. You think they don't fit, but they fit. They force their way in, like the Aunty in metro who'd ask everyone to budge, so she can get a seat. You can cry, you can shout, you can run, you can hide but they will not. Par hai kaun yeh namune?


1. Free ki Advice Wale : 


"Yeh appko shorts nahi pehni chaiye, yeh humara culture nahi hai" 
"Aap MBA mat karo, India mai bahut MBA hai. Humare ghar mai bhi ek MBA hai" 
"Rohan, tu na mere saath reh ek hafta, I will transform you"
"Aap na Noida mai invest karo, 10 times price badhenge"


The worst of the lot. My way of life is perfect, and you should know it. Even if you haven't asked for it. I am big, you're small. I am right, you're wrong. Please don't oblige me. I don't want to know what you think. I don't want to know how you lead your life and how you'd love it, if I did too. I know you have this inner desire to reform the world, but maybe, just maybe, your style might not suit everyone. My friend Ganesh tells me that even Nirmal Baba takes a fee when he gives invaluable advice on how to change your life and remove all obstacles; it would be extremely unfair if you were to give free advice. Please don't. This is also free ki advice. Don't like it? Stop Reading. But don't force it. Yeh achi baat nahi hai....




2. Mai Bhagwaan Hoon :


"You kids take things way too seriously. Don't mix morals with economics"
"Are you telling me that we live in a Marxist Classless Utopia sans any Hierarchy? Is your view so myopic and distorted? Ever see from the broad prisms of reality?"
"Are you telling me that my experiences are useless? This is not a debate"
"It's all your fault!"


I change my mind. These are the worst. They think they know it all. And they know it better than you. So they'll either use the big words (Marxistgwshdfirktljgyhjtghygykjhbmnxbgvzs) or the strong words (Thou shalt obey your elders) or they'll just get angry and use the condescending tone. Aap mahan hoon. I humbly submit to your broad prism of world view and the infinite scope of your knowledge base and the ever so friendly attitude that you have. I wish I was you. I am sure you secretly think, that everyone secretly thinks of being like you. Just one thing. "You kids should GROW UP."




3. Girls Love Me :
"Meri life na ek ladki ne barbaad kardi"
"Main 3 girls ko saath mai date kar raha hoon"
"Mujhe na har hafte 3 proposals aate hai ladkiyon se"
"Black tints sahi lag rahe hai na car pe"


The Greek God. Oh so beautiful. They never leave any opportunity to look into the mirror, gaze for a minute and then say to themselves --"Yaar, I am a stud." They think they have looks that kill. They have the right accessories -- Axe Deodrant, Wildstone Soap, Tommy Underpants, Ray Ban Glasses, White Car, Chain, Red Shoes et al. They have the perefct facebook pictures, capturing their manliness that girls go so crazy about! They are the John Abhram of your life. And I bet you, in the shower they've already rehearsed their Grasim Mr. India Speech. Wow, I know a celebrity!




4. Ghisssu :
"Yaar exams aa rahe hai, I have to study for 13 hours"
"Yaar tune yeh kiya hai, nahi, maine bhi nahi kiya"
"Question Paper was very simple"
"Dr. ABC, BCom, MCom, LLB, MBA, MPhil, PHD, CA"


Aapko toh sabh pata hai. Why don't you figure this one out as well? Use your math models, psychoanalysis, pattern graph etc. to estimate what exactly I am thinking. So simple na? First in class, First on the bench, First to get placed, First to have the teacher's number; you must be very upset that you're last on this list? No? Oh yes, Game Theory already told you that I was going to do this. Damn John Nash. Where is your Nobel?




Bahut burai kar li. Aapki identity kya hai? Don't tell me you're a mix of two categories. Loser. Doesn't even have a personality. What a waste of life. Go fit some stereotype. Maybe then the world will see some worth in you. Fit Hai Boss. Where do I belong? Right there in your heart, guiding you unconditionally like an elder brother with the smartest skill set in the world. Nirmal Baba doesn't need a Baba.




PS : Today is a good day. Cheers.


To Sonal Kalra. Who I am trying to impress.


Song : None Of Us Are Free by Solomon Bruke and Traffic by Stereophonics




Addendum :


5. I am your friend :


"I am going to miss you Rohan, you were like a friend philosopher and guide to me. Before we part, lets click a picture together?"


No. No. And No.

A Dummies Guide to Social Conventions

Everyone needs a guide. Everyone needs help to deal with life. Everyone faces some sick sorry social situation sometime or the other. One of my friends asked me to list down some social norms long time ago, but lethargic me is doing it now. Better late than never ;)

Dedication: To those who always screw up and end up thinking, "I'm such a bitch!"

Song: Help Is Just Around The Corner by Coldplay.


1. Most of us ask for advice from people we know, some of us just use the Internet. When asking for advice, quietly listen to the speaker. It's never nice to ask for advice and then start arguing with adviser that they are wrong. एक तोह वो तुम परएहसान कर रहा हैं, ऊपर से तुम उसे लड़ने लगजाओ| वाह बही वाह !

2. Never ever waste your energies on someone who you know is not ready to listen. You can shout, you can yell but some people think they are king of the world and will NOT listen, not now, not ever. I know it pisses you off especially when they're wrong, but I guess people are people.

3. Some people talk a LOT especially when you have called. They will talk, talk and keep on talking come what may, sometimes even when they have called. Since you can't tape / zip their mouth, the best way is, you start speaking about stuff that you know. For Example: When Ahana starts talking about science stuff I don't understand or when I start sermon-ing her, I'm sure both of us feel like slamming the phone, though she can't-She has a cordless. Not that we talk a lot, just that why watch a foreign film with no subtitles.

4. If some one does something for you, Thank them a million times. Even if they haven't crossed a river or jumped from the Empire State Building, have a heart and give them a chocolate. It's always feels good to make someone smile and have your way too.

5. People are weird. A bunch of 'em can piss you off just like that. I mean for no immediate fault of theirs, you just hate them from the corner of your heart and a slightest mistake of theirs would make your mouth utter beautiful words like slut, son of bitch, the F*** word. etc etc. It's best that you STAY AWAY from them. STAY AWAY.

6. Continuing Point 5, Sometimes we like people. We think that no matter what the odds are, they might have some brain and they would be not as the world pictures them to be. Truth is--OUR hopes are wrong. Men are jerks and women are slow. So if you are hurt, then the best way is to STAY AWAY from these people too.

7. How to STAY AWAY:

* De-friend them on facebook, orkut and other places where you waste time. Nothing more pleasing. TRUST ME.
* Delete them from your phone book.
* Inspired from Jab We Met--Call them, Abuse Them.
* Tell your friends about your friend and insist that they should always insult / make fun of your special someone always when you are around.
* Listen to Hope it gives you hell by The All American Rejects.
* A little filmy, but if you can punch them in the face.


8. There are moments when you can't say anything or your brain is too slow to process an answer. In such cases just Nod. At least the other person gets some assurance. Like some one said, better keep quiet and be a fool, than open your mouth and confirm the doubt.

9. Sometimes there is a stalemate like situation in our lives. Neither of the two people would accept their mistake. In that case, Just say sorry and finish the crappy bottleneck in your life. Saying it won't kill you. It might hurt your ego, but trust me neither is anyone measuring your ego on a daily basis nor is there a record of the number of times you have said Sorry. So just say it and end It.

10. Everyone has problems. Everyone has miseries. Don't talk about them and make the world an even more remorse place. Just laugh and if you can't, buy a joke book. And yeah, if you have issues with this blogger / blog, that we are too casual about life, then--I don't care.

11. MOST IMPORTANT: Always listen to the Blogger who has poor decision making powers, who is too scared to start his magnum opus, who has awesome music taste, who won't ever read Twilight and yes, of course, who satisfies ALL of those conditions. If there exists more than one such person.....then choose the one who you know. ( DUH---ME)

Like it or not, This is True. All true.