Say what?

Over the last few weeks, I have been talking to a lot of people. By talking I mean I retweeting, sharing stuff on Facebook and spaming my Gmail contacts with "Fwd: Fwd: Re: This is SO COOL" emails. Not to forget the nights spent staring at "last seen today at 23:59". Conversation that actually involves using the voice box has substantially declined - maybe for the better, maybe for the worse; I don't want to get into that. I will leave that one for you to debate with your parents.

I have noticed somethings about the conversations we have. Either these things were always there and I was too stupid to not see them or I just have had more time lately (a declining number of party invitations?). I feel that we have lost the will to appreciate what someone else is saying. Take for example this :

Bobo 1 : Dude, look at the cool stuff I bought! I got a shoe freshener!

Bobo 2 : Oh nice, but you know what the purpose of shopping is, right? It is to buy things you will use and not just collect

This is of course a terrible example, but explains the point - people are waiting to burst your bubble. Off with their tongues they go prick prick prick! I am guilty too - there is a certain thrill in this. But I am trying to change. Trying to appreciate what the other person is saying and not give automated, tangential and opposing answers. Take another example :

Bobo 1 : Hey! This is a cool place - it must be so beautiful to vacation here!

Bobo 2 : It would be so expensive

While I agree that everything has pros and cons, I dislike it when people just hang on to one problem and ignore the good points. They don't appreciate the good. It makes the other person feel insignificant.

But this is not limited to people talking. Take a look at the articles that are trending on social media. A person would blink and there will be blogs for and against their blinking. "Why the world will miss Khushwant Singh?" "The Khushwant Singh they will never tell you about" "Khushwant Singh - The Sikh" et al. At some point you won't know what to think about anything. I love freedom of speech - it allows me to trash talk and get away with it. But I think at some point in this race to be noticed, to be liked and to be retweeted, we oppose for the sake of being different. I could be wrong and I hope I am.

But that doesn't conclude my whining. A lot of our Facebook feed has stuff from 9GAG, Buzzfeed, Thought Catalog and the others. And when you see something funny or something interesting you might want to share it - either to spread the knowledge/laughter or to get the likes/retweets. Either case is justified. But what really annoys me is when someone says - "Oh! I have seen this!"

So you've seen this before and it's not surprising, right? I mean, this stuff is trending and from the many sources that exist, it is possible that you have seen this. But that's not why someone shared this in the first place. The reason why someone shared something was not because they wanted to be the first person to share it (or is it?) or to show you something novel and rare; but something that they found funny/interesting and thought you might like it too. We never appreciate their thought of sharing, do we? Ever say thanks? We just say "Is this the one with...? Hahahaha" or "I've seen this hahahhahaa"

This meme (which you might have seen before) sums it up well :

Be nice to people. Appreciate the good things. Criticise where necessary. But don't forget the good things.

Song : Moora -- Gangs of Wassepur 2

Yet another perspective on Elections 2014

If there is a difference in fact, please tell me and I will verify. If there is a difference in opinion, please also share that - it's always nice to discuss.

Is this necessary?

For the first time in India, the trade off in an election is between selecting a candidate/party versus a none of the above (NOTA) option. The case for candidate/party evaluation is self-evident for the former. In respect to the latter it helps justify the rejection of all the candidates/parties. Hence, there is fruit in candidate/party evaluation irrespective of your final choice.

Is this a Modi vs Rahul election?

Most cab ride small talk, dinner discussions and smoking breaks over the past few months have been around Modi vs Rahul. (never have I seen so many ad hominem fallacies) But these two are only cogs in the broader machine. Indians elect members of parliament (MPs) from their constituency. They in turn form the government and the prime minister (PM) is their head. While the MP is not as powerful as the PM, he/she enjoys the same amount of weight when it comes to voting for bills in parliament.

Thus, your voice gets translated into your MPs vote in parliament. The question then is, what makes an MP say aye or nay during the bill discussions. Much depends on their political affiliation (BJP, Congress, Left, BSP etc.). Anti-defection laws in India provide for disqualification of an MP if he/she voluntarily gives up his/her membership of a political party or votes or abstains from voting in the house contrary to any direction of the party. Hence most elected representatives vote where their party decides to, unless they are badass like Kejriwal. Thus, it is political parties that govern most of the policy making.

The next logical question is who decides policy positions in political parties? If you are to believe that it is Modi and Rahul that decide party positions, then this a Modi vs Rahul election. If you believe that there are other factors that influence party positions (such as Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, Sonia Gandhi, Naxals, Italian mafia, Mukesh Ambani et al), then this is cannot be a Modi vs Rahul fight. They are then just posters of different ideologies/thinking (assuming the Congress and BJP have different ideologies). Hence, the important thing to consider when deciding your vote should be which political party is closest to your beliefs/idea of the country.

Finally, this does not mean that your local MP is useless. He may become a minister if he's smart and well connected and thus must still meet the bar. He will also controlling a bunch of bureaucrats and act as custodian to large amounts of taxpayers money. He should be well equipped to do that.

What are the voting issues in this election?

Now we know that political parties should be an important factor in voter decisions. But on what categories should you judge the manifesto/party positions. At an elementary level, the central government should do everything on the Union List and have at least something to say on everything that is on the Concurrent List. These areas range from defense (war, peace, foreign relations, army, Kashmir etc.) to economy (RBI, Planning Commission, stock exchanges, public debt etc.) and to operations (UPSC, CBI, railways, highways).

It is crucial to know what the political parties have to say on these issues and what is their plan forward. In my reading of twitter trending articles and streaming of Arnab Goswami interviews, I have not seen any concrete policy by the leading parties. The only two things that come to my mind are homosexuality (which the BJP opposes) and the Gujrat model of development (which looks like BJPs model of development). There is also that Arthkranti proposal of no taxes/transaction tax, the real implications of which are unknown. There is also the women empowerment of the Congress.

I have not gone through the election promises, the rallies or the recent book launches (Modinomics, Moditva, Swaraj etc.) and I doubt I will go through all in a month. I will in all probability ogle at some Twitterati article that would read - "17 things you need to know before you vote tomorrow" . But I will do some research and I hope you will too. This is the most important factor in your voting decision - give it more time than what you spend selecting a suit.

Secularism vs Hinduism?

This election, unlike most, concentrates  around Hindutva and whether Modi is the chariot of death for Muslims in India. I don't know what Hindutva means. Some say it's a conservative interpretation of Hindu texts and some say it's a way of life. I am not sure if you can contain Hindutva to a specific definition. To me, Hindutva invokes hues of saffron; but that is the same sort of stereotyping as people with beards are terrorists. But is a national party based on a religion a bad thing? Only if it threatens the secular fabric of India.

And will BJP coming to power do that? I don't think so. I have great faith in the constitution of this country and the judicial process and I doubt that there will be state sponsored neglect of a particular community/religion. You cannot tailor with the basic nature of the constitution and hence no government can enforce a policy that is not secular.  But then again, in India you have communal riots all the time and there is some or the other government involvement in most. And no one has acted to stop these/punish the guilty.

Finally, I don't think Indians care as much. Nothing seems to shock us. Even if the Gujrat CM was not guilty in the 2002 riots, Indians did not demand any moral responsibility for the thousands of people that lost their lives in the riots. Politicians across the board stole crores and crores of hard earned tax payers money and we don't even flinch. Nothing seems to send a chill down our spine and we continue to elect the same people . Though to be fair, I don't think Indians have had much choice but to elect corrupt, criminal and kaam chor politicians. Which brings me to my final question.

Where am I going to vote?

I am not going to vote for the Congress, that is certain. They've had enough years of governance. I am not going to vote for AAP. They are noble and might just be a virtuous party, but they lack experience. The 40+ day government in Delhi did not have an impact great enough to suggest that they will do a spectacular show at the national level. They need to clean up their act, do well at state elections and then proceed to national elections. You don't give candy to a child, you make them earn it.

That leaves BJP and NOTA (disregarding regional parties). While NOTA is a wonderful gift by the election commission (more like toy without batteries), it is not my preferred option. I fear (based on my paranoia) that voters will pick NOTA because it is an easier alternative. It's easier to say "All politicians are corrupt" than to say "I am convinced that the Congress Party will empower women".

A dear friend of mine once told me that in life it is always a lack of choice. That the perfect is never available and we always have to settle. If I do vote BJP, it would be because of that. But then again NOTA is the true reflection of my opinion ie: a lack of choice.

The last time I voted, I changed my decision while standing in the queue. Elections are a month away. There is ample time.

Respect the Verdict

No matter what the outcome of this election is, I would urge you to respect the verdict of the people. I think that the one man one vote idea is unfair because it gives the same amount of power to a dumb and an intelligent person. But it is the way things are and irrespective who wins, fulfill your role. Support decisions that you think are right and oppose those which you think are wrong.

And don't trust opinion polls. Never trust a chart for which the backup is unavailable.

Jai Hind

Picture : http://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/tag/connaught-place/

Addendum

I think democracy is a utilitarian idea. That the will of the greatest number be executed. If we are to assume that individual voters are selfish and will act in their own interest and that religion has some bearing on their vote, then it would be safe to imply that democracy will always favour a party that is aligned with the largest religion in the country.

Unless of course, individual voters begin to think of minorities - interest of people other than themselves. While I believe in the altruistic nature of people, I think the source of this is not selflessness but instead a sense of fear. That these minorities will be thrown out, crushed and packed off to concentration camps.

In my opinion this has two implications :

1) Given how low the expectations are, a ruling party/government doesn't have to actually improve the conditions of the minorities. All they have to do is show that they are living or are being provided some freebies

2) In its raw form democracy is anti-minority. Being a republic/having a constitution provides safeguards against this; that there are some things that cannot happen, even if the majority agrees. I would always bet my money on a constitution than on a political party

Shabari's Berries

Today is Dusshera - the victory of good over evil. This Dusshera lets try and look inwards - at our thoughts, our experiences and emotions; and filter the good from the evil. Find those that help our goal and banish those that don't. More than anything, Dusshera is the victory of the spirit over the senses and vices.

Happy Dusshera. Here is one of my favourite stories from The Ramayana :

Shabari was a saint who had immense devotion towards Ram. I don't know how to express it, but she was completely focused on Ram. One day during Ram's exile, he visited Shabari. She was thrilled to see Ram and was overcome by immense joy. She didn't know what to offer Ram. She found some wild berries but was scared that they might not be sweet. So she tasted each berry and picked out the sweet ones and offered them to Ram. Lakshman (Ram's brother) pointed out that the berries are impure as they have already been tasted by Shabari. Overcome by Shabari's devotion and love, Ram went on to have the berries.

What does this mean for us? Should we offer half bitten berries to Ram idols in the temple? Maybe. However, what I do think it could mean is to develop that level of devotion. Do we have this kind of devotion towards anything in this world? When we gift something, do we have this sort of love or do we look for what is at home and can be passed on? No one needs our rejected gifts. We get a torn/fake currency note - our first instinct is how to get rid of it and pass the misery to someone else. I don't believe in a universal ass-bashing godly figure; so I suppose if we do things halfheartedly, no one is going to kill us. But I  do believe that the essence in you is the essence in me. And so if I decide to gift, I should gift it with love. It is like gifting to another version of yourself. No matter if its a CD, a book or half-eaten berries.

Song : Arpan - Anoushka Shankar

Sweet Disappearance

Song : Awake my soul - Mumford & Sons

This is a work of fiction. The piece is written in first person because narrating a story that way is just way cooler.

So I was in bed and could not sleep. It was one of those annoying nights where no matter what I did - my body refused to turn off. Cough syrup, fictitious sheep, boring non-fiction books, slow soothing music and even self gratification did not help.

That's when I gave up and immense boredom descended. I pinged my friends across different time zones, watched half a movie on my laptop and even thought of a future blog post (which of course never really saw the light of day). But what bothered me the most was how desperate I was to kill my boredom and and how uncomfortable I was with myself.

I wasn't quite surprised when over the following days I felt a strange insecurity if I did not check my phone regularly, especially if there was no one around to talk to. In these bits or chunks of time, I would either crave for music or someone to talk to or something to read or something to tweet. But never would I crave for quiet time - a time when I would do nothing.

And like every thinking person, I have a theory for that. Given that this is a theory I will switch from I to We. We have been taught to value time, appreciate it and to make most of it. Each second counts. And in developing countries like ours, it is very very important; because if you don't do a lot in very little time, someone else will win the race and you will get a big zero.

So that's why I craved for stuff in my free time. I decided to chalk out some quiet time for myself and see what I had to offer myself. The first sixty seconds were pure bliss - the mind was calm and I felt like a cloud floating in the sky. And then I started thinking, imagining and creating.

I thought of her and imagined our next exchange of words.

Me : I don't know if you know but I would like you to know that I really like you

She : Go on (smiles)

Me : And I also don't know if you like me but I would really like to know

She : I like you

Me : So..So..does that mean..

She : Ya

Me : Wo-ho (dances like a crazy drunk person)

I then skipped a few years and thought of myself in a courtroom.

"Your Honour, I am a citizen of this country and it pains me to see the state of affairs. We work day in and day out and give a third of our income in taxes - that's 4 months of endless effort. And what do we get in return? Large newspaper advertisements that glorify the dead? Over the years the central and state governments have spent Rs xx crores in advertisements that promoted either the governments performance or former leaders birth/death anniversaries. That amount could have gone to feed xx children suffering from malnutrition, towards the education of xx students or towards the healthcare of xx senior citizens. But that's not where the money went. My Lord, these advertisements did not promote or spread awareness about any scheme - they were blatant narcissistic attempts of self-promotion. And I beg you today, as an aam aadmi to put an end to this. I ask of you to expedite this case. It's been over 5 years since this PIL was first filed and in all this time we have lost more and more of the tax payers money - not only to these advertisements but to the numerous scams that have plagued this country. I approach you today My Lord, to put an end to this mess.  I beg you Your Honour, please."

My mind then wandered to my parents 50th Anniversary and the elaborate arrangements I would do to recreate their marriage. The champagnes that everyone will get with the invitation card. The golden hues that will mix with the red of a typical Indian wedding. The happiness of it all. How I would finally give my parents the dream wedding they could not have. A toast to their love.

I then thought of the small cafe that I always wanted to open. How cozy yet spacious it would be - the perfect blend of home and heart.

Moved on to the wonderful levels of success I will reach. The businesses I will setup, the companies I will own and the innovations I would bring to the table. How the world would look up to me - fame, wealth and admiration; how I would have it all.

And then like all thinking persons, I asked myself - for what? To what end? Will I be happy? Will it fill me? Would I have fulfilled my purpose? Or worse - my expectations?

And that's where my theory failed. It wasn't that we do not like quiet time - I did not like quiet time. Because I didn't have answers to these questions. I didn't know if my dreams, my thoughts and my ideas were worth anything. 

And while endless sitcoms and good friends and late night drunk conversations would say, that it is okay to not know once in a while - it's a damn scary feeling. A feeling of free fall; a feeling of defeat - a feeling of limbo.

And I couldn't take it any more. I couldn't see myself escaping and succumbing to little screens and mindless jibber jabber. 

So I decided to take the ultimate escape.

I know I could have stepped up, tried harder or did something else, but I just could not. 

I am sorry.

Longing

Priya was confused. She always always filled with questions. Questions that weren't particularly important, but questions nonetheless. Thoughts would always zoom in her head and she sometimes thought everything was going to burst. She wished that she could just stop thinking - that her brain would stop processing information. But all in vain.

She had once been told that a question worth asking is a question worth answering. And she had made that the axiom of her life - she asked questions and made sure that she received the answers. She couldn't wait to ask this one.

"If you could choose, how would you want to die?" Priya asked.

Shreya replied "Silent, maybe painless. I don't think about things I can't control."

There was an awkward silence after that, like the times when you ask a question only so that the other person would ask you the same; when your answer is more important than theirs. Without waiting any further, Priya responded on her own.

"I think a biggie will take me down. You know cancer or tumour. Most of all I think my heart will fail me. I just hope I don't die in a crash."

"Why would you even want to think about this? Think positive, follow the secret!"

"No, it's just like a thought - nothing to bother about. I asked you just like that." Priya tried to defend herself.

"Cool," said Shreya taking the high moral ground.

Shortly after that conversation, they left the coffee shop; almost as if God had designed that setting only for that conversation. That the relevance of the coffee shop was only if this conversation existed - without which it had no meaning or independent existence.

Shreya was walking alone - she lived nearby. Her eyes alternated between the sky and the street ahead. She thought to herself, Priya is so silly. She just wants to die fancy. She thinks that would be her legacy, that's how people would remember her. That even if she lived a life no impact or meaning or consequence, then her death would compensate for that. A huge tombstone or memorial would bear her name, the victim of the world's evil. How can one live the life of a victim? How can you die a victim?

She sat down in the park outside her home and stared endlessly at the night sky. She always admired the night sky, its endless depth and the multitude of possibilities that it promised. What if each star was the sun to a set of planets - each of them a promise for alternate life. 

She thought of the weather and the mild breeze. She had once read that the weather is the world's most common conversation starter. Even though mundane and boring, the weather is what all of us dream of. Those living in the mountains want sunny and shiny weather; those in the tropics want the snow and those in the desserts want the rain. So much of our life depends on weather, she thought.

Snow is what she always wanted. She imagined the stars falling down as snow crystals, illuminating the whole world. Snow white - that's how she always wanted to see the world. She sat there looking at sky, blood rushing to her head imagining the things she couldn't control, but could dream of.

Soon enough she decided to she had to go home. Like it happens so often in the morning when you want the dream to continue, but you have to wake up. She entered home and found her 1 minute younger brother reading a book.

"You know there is a real world outside," Shreya said.

"Of nail polishes and mini skirts. No thank you," Rahul said in a joking tone.

Rahul stared into the book and wished he could stop reading. There is enough misery I see around me and now I am even reading about it, he thought. He wanted to change the world but he could never figure out where to start. You take care of the economics and the politics fail, you take care of the politics and then the society fails, you take care of the society and then you fail. You just never know here to start. You can't change the world without a plan, but can't also have a plan to change the world - it's not just your world.

He had once heard that sleeping is an escape. That you could run away from reality and that dreams will be your safe haven. They would become your chosen reality and that would be a world worth living.

And then the white dog jumped at him, savagely aiming at the human flesh. Rahul woke up almost gasping. What do you do when the dreams start behaving like reality? When it's hard to tell the difference between reality and dreams? When it is sleep that you are trying to escape from.

Rahul got up and looked aimlessly in the dark for the bottle of water. As it happen always, when you try to be very cautious and do everything possible to not make noise, you end up hitting something and the noise just emerges. Rahul dropped the steel glass and wished the world would explode this instant.

Meera, Rahul and Shreya's mother entered the room.

"Are you okay, Rahul?" she asked. 

"I'm fine Mumma, just need some water," he responded.

"You should really sleep, it's getting late," she said.

"Yeah Mom, just going."

Before Meera went to bed, she decided to check on her father who was sleeping in the other room. All these years, he had taken such good care of her and now it was her turn. He was this tall tree that had protected the whole family - his siblings, their children, her siblings, their children. Everyone was welcome to relax in the shade of the tree. A man so tall and so wise, was alone now. But loneliness is a state of mind, what can you say about those who've lost it?

Meera's father had started forgetting things a few years ago and was now losing all bodily control. It pained her to see him like this - watching your hero crumble in front of your eyes. She thought of the times when he brought home fruits, when he would drop them to school, when she got married and when she brought him home.

There is no way forward from here, she thought. It's all downhill. She had no expectations, but would always hope that he remembered her name. What's in a name? she had once been told. Maybe it wasn't the name, but the association with it. That Meera was her daughter, that she was taking care of him, that he was with family. That would be her reward - a father recognizing his daughter. 

Sometimes he would get it right and she would be filled with happiness. Like the times when we win a card game by chance, and we think we have conquered the secret of gambling. And she wishes those moments come sooner, even though she knows they are only going to get rarer.

In the morning, Meera sat down and to read the newspaper. She hated the grim headlines - nothing was happy in the world. In the corner was a small news clipping that read :

"16-year old girl commits suicide"

Priya was always full of questions. And she had once read that the greatest question a man faces is that of suicide. Whether life is even worth living.



Song : Mai Ni Meriye by Mohit Chauhan 

Happy Birthday Blog. You're 5 now! :D



BamBam and Pebbles :

Information Value

Song : Married Life from the movie Up!

(From here on "want" and "will" have been used interchangeably. Also, answers can be given in a logically inconsistent manner ie: you can get divorced w/o getting married, you can think about corporal punishment even if you don't have kids etc.)

Ask Yourself :

1. About Progeny

• Do you want to have kids?
• Would you be okay with any gender / any disability / whatever God gives you?
• Have you ever thought of what you'll call 'em?
•  Do you expect them to take care of you when you are old and aging?
• Will you use corporal punishment?
• Will you do their homework and clean their diapers?
• Do you think children are overrated?

2. About Love

• Do you think you know what Love means?
• Have you ever been in Love?
• Do you think Love happens only once? Have you fallen in love multiple times?
• Do you think you will ever fall in Love?
• Will you marry?
• Will you get divorced?
• Do you think Love is overrated?

3. About Life 

• Do you think Life has a purpose?
• Do you know that purpose?
• Will you commit suicide?
• If in deep pain, will you agree to voluntary euthanasia?
• If in deep pain, will you agree to euthanise your parents/grandparents? (Assume that you have never had a conversation with them regarding this and that you don't have their consent)
• Will you take care of your parents when they are old and aging? Will you clean their diapers?
• Do you think "to have never been born is the greatest boon of all" ?

4. About Sex

• Do you think you'll cheat on your partner?
• Are you okay with Friends with Benefits?
• Are you okay if your friends with benefit is friends with benefit with someone else? (assume if you are and aren't friends with benefit with someone other than him/her)
• Are you more likely to be okay if a man had more friends with benefits than a woman?
• Will you ever pay for sex?
• Will you ever provide sexual services for a fee?
• Do you think Sex is overrated?

5. About God

• Do you believe in God / Powerful entity / Soul?
• Do you think God is fair?
• Do you think God is rational?
• Do you think God is not angry at atheists?
• Do you believe in Karma?
• Do you believe in Afterlife?
• Do you think Religion is important?
• Do you think God is overrated?

6. About Yourself

• Do you think you'll ever kill someone?
• Will you lie (not white lie) in a court of law if you had to save a family member / very very close friend?
• If terribly hungry and malnourished, will you steal food?
• Do you think you're a good person?
• Are you scared of death?
• Are you afraid that no one will remember you after you're long gone?
• Do you think you give yourself less credit than you deserve?
• Do you think you give yourself more credit than you deserve?

Does all this matter?

I was trying to find a way if one can create a time capsule with the answers to these questions. And maybe years later you can answer these questions again and see how you've changed. Would be an interesting thing, I think. Well I've created mine and you can see it here : Time Capsule

Do answer them. You don't have to share. Just answer them and hide it in your email/drawer/docs/blog. And years later revisit it.

To Russell. So young and full of promise.

Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy

What's the point of Fiction? Nothing that a writer ever writes is real. It's always tainted. Tainted by facts, by perspective, by logic. It's never the truth. What's the point of writing lies? Of writing stories that represent what could've happened, what should've happened, what might have happened and never what really happened.


What is Real? Is this Real? Am I dreaming now or Am I dreaming when I sleep? What state of consciousness is real? Are we crazy or are the mentally retarded crazy? Is an Alzheimer patient's perspective real or is our perspective real? Are we real?


What is Love? Is there love? What is hate? Is hate real? Are we born to hate? Or are we born to love? Are emotions justified? Till what extent? What is reason? Is the world reasonable? Is life reasonable? Is there value in reason?


What is Moral? Is it your intuition or is it God's Commandments? Is it the Law? Are some things inherently moral? Are some things more moral than others? Is morality important? Is morality relevant? Is reason morality's enemy?


I don't know. Should I know? Can I know? Will I know? Am I too early to ask? Am I too late to find out? Am I destined to find out? Is there destiny? Is there fate? What is life? What life has meaning? Is meaning important?


I don't know.




Another post is due, that has been indefinitely postponed, till I find a few answers.


To That which is Real. And to All That which is Unreal. And to everything In Between,


Song : Dance Little Liar by The Arctic Monkeys.

Decay.

I had my CCS Internship Interview today. I realized something while I was at it.


Have you ever been to a dentist? Most dental clinics have a step by step diagram of how cavities happen. Usually when we have too much sweet and don't brush, we start developing germs in our teeth. One of the signs of a cavity is when food starts sticking in our teeth. Most people just ignore this and find a way around it; sticking our finger inside or using a toothpick. Soon the cavity grows deeper and at some point it starts hurting us. But the pain is erratic and then we tell ourselves, no it must be the sinus infection or the wisdom teeth are coming or maybe it was just hurting that day or we just sleep it off. We still don't go to the doctor. Eventually, our teeth become sensitive and they hurt whenever we have anything cold or hot. Now is when we go to the market and purchase a different toothpaste. But that also fails to relieve us. We bear the pain for a few more weeks because we don't have time. And then we finally go to the doctor.


The doctor examines the infected tooth. He nods disapprovingly. He tells us what a Root Canal Treatment is and how horrible, lengthy and expensive a procedure that is. He asks us why we didn't come earlier and why we didn't try to fix the pain. We just look around because we don't have an answer. We then get the root canal done, but that too in installments, still threatening that poor tooth. The doctor informs us that we have other cavities as well, but well we respond to them at our own convenience. 


After the damn thing is over, we get back home. We take a sigh of relief and promise to ourselves that we will take care of our teeth. But of course who has the time to brush at night. So at some point in time, this tooth or one of the other has to be extracted. We get rid off the bloody thing. And the killer is-->We still wonder if it was really our fault.


This is a story based on true events and bitter experiences.


Now, thats how we treat our own tooth. Imagine, how we would treat society's problems. We just don't give a fuck. It doesn't matter to us who is hungry or dying or being cheated. It doesn't matter to us. If we don't have time and effort for our own tooth, do you think we have time and effort for anyone else? We don't even have a spare thought for them. And that is precisely why we are in a mess. We've stopped getting Mad. We've stopped caring. We've stopped feeling. We've become immune to the pain. But never to the decay. We're becoming less human with each passing second. And one day, not far, like we extracted that tooth, we're going to extract all human-ness out of us. And then we'd die.


This is Why India is Poor.


Song Dedication--> Abh Khud Kuch Karna Padega -- Strings and Atif Aslam.


To The Interviewer. 

There it is.

Dedicated to The Losers.

Song : Hotel California by Eagles.


What do you see? Do you see what you're looking for? Maybe Not. Then who are you waiting for? Just fucking create it. If you don't get what you want, just create it. Not like you can't. Just need to want it bad. And if you've lost strength, then too bad, you gave up too soon. Then you are a loser, and if you're fine by being called that, then cool. Coz then you've got what you've been looking for.

Inspiration : The book my friend bought today.

Zed.

You.

Dedicated to Secret Tracks of the world, especially the ones I discovered.

Song Dedication : Silence. It speaks so much sometimes.


People love you.

People leave you.

People make you feel special.

People make you feel sad.

People intrigue you.

People irritate you.

People smile at you.

People smirk at you.

People appreciate you.

People abuse you.

People protect you.

People punish you.

People uplift you.

People upset you.



People are like that. They will do that. You can only deal with yourself.

So do that.

Who's She?

And she entered the room, with her beautiful black hair.

Everyone else in the room consequently thought.

A2 : She's so pretty.

D1 : She's so dumb.

G2 : She's my new target.

Z11 : She's plastic.

W28 : She has such nice friends.

S7 : She's so bitchy.

H10 : Her dress is beautiful.

M4 : She's so South Delhi.

K5 : She's so helpful.

T19 : She's a slut.

F4 : She's so sweet to me.

O31 : She's a Lesbian.

R13 : Who's She?

So many tags. Who are you?


Song Dedication : I Don't Want To Be by Gavin DeGraw

This post is dedicated to my Langotia Yaar :)

Idol. Idle. Ideal.

Ok, this one will include random facts about me to the conclusions I make of the world. So bear with the randomness.

To Gannu :)
For being a good Idol for me.
For never being idle and always on the move.
For being the Ideal Chosen Family.

Idol.

I was reading this book the other day, about Adi Shankaracharya, and this is what it had to say which I thought was awesome. It said that idols were important, or some sort of association, with an object or something tangible to be able to understand something intangible or subtle like spirituality or the Higher Power. It went on to say, that if you had a statue of a judge, then that object would constantly remind you of the beliefs of justice and the steps and measures that that particular judge took to achieve justice. The ideas of justice are present in us, however, they are reinforced only when we meet such an object. We all know Gandhi helped us loads during the freedom struggle, but since we weren't there when he did all that, we don't know the kind of aura he had, or his modus operandi, or his awesome-ness, which is why you have all these externalities trying to achieve the same level of greatness he had or at least trying to project that he was that awesome. The same is with Religion. Just coz you offer flowers to an Idol, doesn't mean that God is actually adorned with all of that. Just coz a statue is guarded by police, doesn't mean that the actual person when he existed had security around him all the time. And therefore, all offerings, all charity and all love that one displays towards a God Idol, is simply there to give some tangibility to a Higher Concept. It exists to give some direction. The underlining truth here is that it is very difficult to conceptualize a higher power and be obedient to it, without actually developing a mode of praying or ritual. The other truth here is, that, ultimately the Higher power will be realized sans an idol association, however that level of understanding is not present in everyone and can be only achieved once this Idol Worship phase has been crossed or at least understood. One cannot achieve the Higher Power without having a holistic view. After all, the essence me, is the essence in you.

There is one Idol I carry with me in my bag, Lord Ganesh. Though my dream, is to have my own house, which would have one really large idol of Lord Krishna playing the flute. I think that's awesome.

And My Idol in life, no one ever qualified that much to have so much influence to guide me in my life. I always choose my own course. Of course I always had my favourite people to guide me.


Idle

That's what used to be my facebook chat status always. Now of course it's never that coz I hardly go online. I sometimes wonder, if idle time is in fact the most productive time. Maybe that's perhaps the only time we think the most. Our entire day, like it or not, is mostly a routine and it's only when we are absolutely free, that we can associate with ourselves and possibly think. Imagine, the time when you are in bed waiting for sleep, or possibly after you've just woken up and are in bed, you're absolutely idle. And that's when you think. About the day that has past or is about to start. And that thinking decides so much of your mood. And your mood affects everything.

On the other hand, we all love idle time. In the past 6 months, I can list so many occasions when I just wanted idle time. No debates, no friends, no family, no work, nothing. Just a break. A vacation. And that could just be sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing. Lazying around. And that idle time, I am sure would rejuvenate me. And perhaps bring back the vigour and "junoon." I don't know when I lost it, but I am certain I have. Maybe lost in the mundane-ness of life.

And that's about it.

Ideal

Now this is something that pisses everyone off. Being the best. And somehow parents always want you to be the ideal child. Don't worry, I won't rant about like a thirteen year old. But this is what I wonder about. Do I want to be perfect? Do I want to be the ideal? Can I be the ideal? I don't know about the third one, but I am certain about the first two. It's a No. I don't want to be the best. I like flaws. I guess it gives me the feel that I am normal. That I am like others. However, of course I don't believe in turning my brain off and walking blindly where the world is headed. To believe differently, doesn't make you Ideal. What makes you ideal then? Adherence to norms? A good citizen? What is it? I don't know. It's strange that I don't know what it is, but I am certain I don't want it. You can call me dumb. But even when Harry Potter had the Deathly Hallows, he gave them up. He didn't want the perfectness. It's annoying.

Ideally, I should run a spell check after I write a blog, but trust me it's the worst formality in the world. Almost a necessary evil. I hate it :/

What are my ideals? What should be anyone's ideals? To do good, whatever good be.

Ideal. It's a scary word.


Bas yaar, that's enough. Thanks to Devna and Ganesh for their contribution of ideas in this. I am certain their brains will spot it.

I think this should do the dramatic ending :

Idol.
Idle.
Ideal.

I don't know.

I am 17 ½ years old. I am single. I have to carve out my life, a niche in the world. Well that’s nothing new. I am not very passionate about global warming, child labor, poverty or any of that. I don’t know what to do.


I have graduated from school and all that’s left are a bunch of exams which they over hype because after all, from parents to nannies to the Education Board, who doesn’t like to scare the hell out of children.


To say that I am not scared, I’d be lying. These would be the most important exams of my life and it is a make or break issue and to mess it up would be the worst career move.
But what career am I talking about? I don’t even know what I have study tomorrow what can I say about what I have to do all my life? And trust me I have had career counseling.


I may not miss the school as a whole. But maybe its parts, friends, teachers-good and bad, the awesome-ness of being cool in are own way and the inevitable teenage politics and rivalry. Some people say children are too young and too clean to hate, but I believe that this world is too rude, to an extent that it forced a teenager, to develop so much hatred in him that he held a revolver and shot at his Bully. I can never do that, but you never know, man is nothing but a product of circumstances.


Crime and Punishment are two very difficult concepts. Probably that’s what forced Dostoevsky to write a novel by that title. Is a criminal inhuman? Is it his fault that he does what he does or is it the Divine Hand? Or is Karma? Destiny? Life? Is punishment a way of reforming the criminal or the society? Are human rights meant for criminals? Is punishment necessary or do we need a greater level of tolerance? Who is our biggest threat?


Too many questions for a 17 ½ year old. I don’t know, neither the answers nor why all this revolves in my head. Life is cruel. Life can be ended. But that’s running away. Again, the world has become bad enough that we need to liberate our souls or more like finish our pain filled existence.

I am not pessimistic. I am just worried, tensed, scared and a lot more. I just hope for the best-for my friends, my family, my brother, and my readers and eventually for the other 6 billion plus people that inhabit this world. People are born and people die, and in between they breathe the pain of life. Many have done it and we need to too. Solution—Everything is going to be fine, just deal with it. Use the heart, head, whatever. Just go on.

Image-- http://images.elfwood.com/art/z/a/zambonet/confused.jpg


PS: It's been more than a year. Thanks.