Krishna and His forms

Bhagwan Krishna has been a constant in my life. When I was a child, Mumma used to take us to various temples on Janamasthami evening. We used to be fascinated by the decorations - the flowers, the balloons, the different Gods and Goddesses and the depiction of Bhagwan's Leela. Of course, most fascinating was always the prasad - toffees, chocolates and malai cheeni! Bhagwan Krishna remained as I grew up.** 

Like many of us, the first text that I studied was the Shrimad Bhagwad Gita. At that time, I was in school and I was in my early teens. Bhagwan Krishna was a mystical guiding light. I believed, even though I didn't know for sure, that the words of Bhagwan had an answer to all our problems. I remember gifting the miniature Gita to a most dear friend of mine, when she left India to study abroad. I believed that if she took the words of Bhagwan with her, she would fine. 

When I reached college, Bhagwan became more of a friend. I suppose that is because life in college was casual and fun. And so Bhagwan became a friend - the invisible designated driver. I would speak to Him. Get angry with Him. Celebrate His birthday with much fan fare. I continued spreading His words by gifting copies of the Bhagwad Gita. He resided in me as the voice of reason.

It was only later that I visited Him in Dwarka, Gujarat (thanks to another dear friend of mine). Bhagwan realised that I had had enough to enjoy and that it was time to get serious. After I had His darshan, He decided to reveal Himself in the form of my Guru, who I met immediately after visiting Him in Dwarka. He was now closer to me than ever before.

I continued to read/study the Gita throughout this time. Each time I studied it, I would come across something new. Of all the times that I studied it, I still remember the time  I was listening to the discourse on the last ten verses of Chapter 9. He explained that devotion was all that was needed, that I could offer anything and everything to Him, that He only wanted me to be free of bondage, that if I remained fixed on Him then my vices would disappear and all I needed to do was to surrender to Him.

But surrendering doesn't come easy. Especially to an anxious and worrisome person like me. Surrendering requires faith - that He knows best and that all I can do is to try. And so, I tried to practice surrendering, quite contrary to my nature. It was then that I realised that an intellectual faith is incomplete and dry. It lacks the ability to melt the heart. For that, we need love.

Knowing that I needed love, He came as the Beloved. He knew that I needed to practice bhakti now, that my heart needed to melt and so He created an environment that allowed me to be overwhelmed by His compassion and love. Thereafter, surrendering became a little easier. 

There is much more that I need to learn and practice. I am confident that He will show the way. I have faith that He will shower His grace.

Happiest Birthday Bhagwan. Thank you for always being there in all these forms. I can proudly say:

त्वमेव माता च पिता त्वमेव ।

त्वमेव बन्धुश्च सखा त्वमेव ।

त्वमेव विद्या द्रविणम् त्वमेव ।

त्वमेव सर्वम् मम देव देव ॥

ॐ

**The italics portion in the first paragraph was added later.

Krishna's Butter Ball in Mahabalipuram

गुरु पूर्णिमा / Guru Purnima

Today is गुरु पूर्णिमा or व्यास पूजा . Today we pay obeisance to the Guru. I met Swamiji for the first time in June 2014 in Mount Abu (I will forever be indebted to Ganesh for this trip). At that time in my life, a question was nagging me – what is the cause of the universe? The quest for liberation seemed bizarre – why did God create the universe, only for us to go through misery and suffering, to eventually realise through intense efforts that all is actually unreal? If He is all powerful and supreme, why bother with this rigmarole?

In this mental background, I have distinct memory from that trip. Ganesh and I were accompanying Swamiji on His evening walk. He took us to a part of Mount Abu where there were several करोंदा bushes (or trees?). This was my first visit to Mount Abu and my first taste of करोंदा. Swamiji asked us to explore the various bushes and the different taste of the berry that each bush offered. I remember plucking a few for Swamiji and He kindly accepted them. 

After some time, Ganesh told Swamiji that I had a few doubts that I wanted clarified. Remember, this was the first time I was meeting Swamiji, and I was obviously shy. He kindly agreed and I asked – “What is the cause of the universe?”

“अज्ञान or ignorance is the cause,” He said.

Like any beginner student, I shot back with a counter – “What is the cause of अज्ञान or ignorance?”

He smiled and said “There is no cause of अज्ञान. When you ask about the cause of अज्ञान, you negate your original question regarding the cause of the universe. If अज्ञान had a cause, then it would be an effect and not a cause. Thus, for anything to be a cause of the universe, it cannot be the effect of something else. अज्ञान does not have any cause, but is the cause of the whole universe.”

While the cause-effect logic made sense, I was puzzled about अज्ञान not having a cause. My silence revealed my confusion and Swamiji gave an illustration to explain – “Do you know Swahili?”

“No, Swamiji”

“If someone asked you the cause of your not knowing, what would you say? Nothing – there is no cause for not knowing. There can be a cause for knowing, but none for not knowing”

Even though I didn’t fully understand, I nodded. I do that sometimes. The explanation made some sense to me. Over the years, through Swamiji’s kind grace, Ganesh and I studied various प्रकरण texts of Vedanta and the nature of ignorance became clearer. Well, clearer to the extent that one can’t say anything about ignorance – it is, in that sense, अनिर्वचनीय.

While nothing can be said about ignorance, much can be said about a Guru – the dispeller of ignorance. Having said that, there is nothing I can say about a Guru that has not already been said before.

Without a Guru, life is directionless. On any journey, we encounter numerous questions, doubts, and deal with many unknowns. These questions, doubts, and unknowns are especially significant on a spiritual journey, where one is discovering one’s own Self. A spiritual journey is the most intimate journey that one can travel. Thus, the necessity of a guide on this path. It is easy to lose the way, to get embroiled in these questions, doubts, and unknowns, to lose sight of the way and to get attached to the sights of the journey. The Guru keeps you on track. He gives you direction.

The Guru is the embodiment of mercy (करुणावतारम्). The Guru understands your doubts and through His infinite kindness and mercy guides you to a solution that suits you. This is a miracle in itself – that someone understands your difficulty and offers a solution suited to you. In our dealings with the world, we constantly encounter people who have selfish interests when advising us. The Guru does not have any selfish interest. He does not want anything from you. Thus, His advice is the purest form of advice that you can receive. 

The Guru is verily the Lord Himself. During the समुद्रमन्थन, a poison हलाहल was generated. भगवान शंकर consumed हलाहल and saved the world. The Guru accepts all the negativities that we put at His feet. In return, He offers only blessings and guidance. He only gives. He cares for you without any expectation. He wants only your growth.

If you have been blessed to have a Guru, then you can understand the flow of love and kindness that I am referring to. He is Love. God showers His love through Him. When I look back, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Without a Guru, my life would have been very different. I owe everything to Him and to the गुरु शिष्य परम्परा. It is His kindness that has saved me. And it is at His lotus feet that मोक्ष is possible.

S+V

Monsoon has officially arrived in Delhi. Monsoon is the season of love. Here is something that I had started writing, but did not complete. Perhaps, someday I will. Until then, here's to Monsoon and to love.

Monsoon is the season of lovers. Amir Khusrau said to hell with a monsoon, which is spent away from the Beloved. Faiz Anwar, in one of Bollywood’s most beautiful songs - Aaoge Jab Tum, described that rain pours and dances when two lovers meet. When the raindrops touch the naked body, something deeper is awakened. It’s like sun rays falling on the face in winter. Or like walking through a street lined with laburnum in summer. Or like the slight chill in autumn’s wind. Or like a pink sky in Delhi. A blessing from above, a shower of God’s love.

S was driving to work. It had been pouring all night and there was bound to be traffic. But he was unfazed. The impending flooded roads didn’t concern him. The long commute would give him time to speak to V, who he had met a few weeks ago. They had been talking on and off. V was flirtatious and the sudden attention warmed S’s heart. Even though it had been just a few weeks, S yearned to speak to V. S had already reached the point, where he made a list of things to discuss with (or rather ask) V. Don’t judge S – we’ve all been there; an infatuation that feels like true love, a hobby that feels like a career and a coincidence that feels like destiny.

S was now at a traffic signal. The rain intensified and the raindrops were falling hard on the metal roof of the car. The sound created by the hard-hitting drops was not at all pleasant. S decided to play some music. He looked outside. Two people were standing close to each other under one umbrella. They were both looking down to a single phone between them. S did not know them. But love was in the air (or more in his mind) and he imagined that they were lovers. S smiled seeing what he believed to be a romantic scene – one that was right out of Shree 420. He wondered if he would share such a moment with V...